


Hollow

by Kaggath



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Eating Disorders, brief mentions of disordered eating behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 06:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17913743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaggath/pseuds/Kaggath





	Hollow

Her chest ached, throat raw. She struggled to catch her breath. Mactans had quite thoroughly destroyed another room of the mansion. Good. She was getting the hang of the invisible grip the Avatar called the Force. Mactans may not yet have any accuracy, but damned if she couldn’t sling her dead master’s precious things across the extravagant rooms like dry leaves.

The light on the wall flickered and buzzed. It annoyed Mactans. Why not destroy that, too?

She tried to focus her hostility, to draw out that intoxicating electric anger she’d felt that day. Sparks crackled, flickered, and extinguished. Her hand felt numb, but little else changed. Grimacing, she tried again, attempting to thrust the entirety of her energy into the attack. 

Nothing.

She pushed, struggled, screamed. She threw both hands before herself, but still nothing came. Mactans could feel the hunger about to take her under. Her body felt too hot, her vision darkened. Bile snaked its way from her throat and she became impossibly emptier. 

Mactans wiped the failure from her mouth. Once her legs were stable under her again, she stalked back to the library. If that pompous windbag would listen for a half second, she may finally get some answers.

Legs cramping under her as she knelt before they pyramid, Mactans closed her heavy eyes. Drawing on hate, at least in this case, was easy. Steadier than her own breath. She hated the Avatar, but until she found a way off world he was her only teacher. Her only companion.

She had killed everyone else.

“You’ve returned.” The Avatar had a voice like he’d gargled durasteel shavings. His eyes burned like fires, scorching her with their disappointment.

“You’re not rid of me yet, old man,” Mactans jeered. “I want answers, so spare me the philosophy lesson and tell me how to shoot lightning from my hands.”

“You lack control,” the Avatar said, clasping his hands behind his back. As she knelt, the projection stood at eye level. Mactans felt her fingernails digging into her flesh.

“I have control. Tell me what I want to know.”

“Unless you adopt the Code, you will never be more than a floundering, weak fledgling. You will never understand the Force without it.” 

“I know the Code!” Mactans spat at him. “I know peace is a lie! I haven’t known a day of peace in my life! No matter how many times I shout it, nothing happens!”

“To recite is not to know,” the Avatar said with an infuriatingly calm voice. Matter of fact. She wasn’t a child. If he had a true body, Mactans could show him just how powerful she was. “Words are empty. Adopt through action the knowledge of the Sith, and you will prevail.”

This is why she hated him. He wasn’t listening. How can she live through action if the actions aren’t happening? 

The light of the pyramid grew more intense as she felt her rage bubbling up.

“You promised me power!” she screamed as she swiped a hand through the illuminated face of the Avatar. The lack of connection, resistance even, only fueled her anger. She couldn’t even hit him.

“I promised you nothing!” he roared back. Mactans couldn’t help but flinch away. Even knowing he was only a projection, the Avatar had this massive, oppressive presence she couldn’t ignore.

“You would never survive Korriban, let alone be worthy of apprenticeship. Even the acolytes could snap you like a twig.”

“I can survive anything,” Mactans growled as she stood, towering above the projection. Her vision blacked out for a moment and she clenched her jaw as she fought to conceal the dizzy spell.

“Even if you had the command of the Force necessary, the energy expenditure alone would kill you.”

“What would you know?” Mactans said, turning her back on him. She could just stop. Turn the focus of her hate elsewhere, send the Avatar away, but it felt a sickening kind of good to have something palpable to lash out at. Something else to break the silence.

“You look like you haven’t eaten in days.” 

“Maybe I haven’t.”

The Avatar had nothing to say to that. Mactans could tell from the blue illumination against the wall that he was still there. She wrapped her arms around herself. Her fingers were cold. Everything was cold. The silence held suspended in the air and it made Mactans squirm. She preferred the fighting. But if he’d lost his heat…

“Build your body,” the Avatar said just before Mactans could close the pyramid. She half turned to glare at him.

“You need fuel to cultivate power.”

“Through power, I gain victory.” The words spilled from her unbidden. She had commit his Code to memory. Maybe she didn’t yet know how to apply it, but she knew it as a truth. The searing flash of memory burned against her skin. “Through victory my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.”


End file.
